2:38 a.m. 2004-09-21
welcome back to diaryland
tonight i hand washed a month's worth of dirty pots and pans (they cover the counter) and put everything else in the dish washer and started it AND NONE OF MY ROOMMATES SAID THANK YOU!!!! my one roommate even sat there and watched my clean the entire kitchen without offering to help at all. yeah- that did not make for a happy jessica tonight.
then sean decided to play the game again where he says he'll stay over and then change his mind and go home aroung 1am. now, this upsets me immensely if only because i keep having to change my plans to accomodate him. so from now on i'm through doing that crap- i'll do what i need/ want to do and if he fits into my plan than more power to him. i'm so sick of pushing back when i do my homework, or cancelling plans with my roommates or whatever. it isn't fair to me or the people i make plans with. some might say that i deserve to be happy- and i would say that my stupid tension management class isn't working like it should be working.
on the topic of happiness- sometimes i wonder just what would make me utterly and completely happy. i look at all that i have and realize how lucky i am to have it but at the same time i just feel like something's not right- and i don't know how to get rid of the nagging feeling in my heart that keeps telling me that i am missing something. so here i am, literally locked in my room, not doing the mountain of hw that i have to read for tomorrow and will quizzed on, i just printed out over 20 pages of what i now see to be just backwards letters and smeared lines (aka : A COMPLETELE WASTE OF PAPER, TIME AND INK).
oh no- i do declare that i've gone on a complete emotional rampage- how i do regret that this had to be my first entry back in 34 days
